Crushed

This weekend has made me open my eyes. I can't trust anyone anymore it seems like every time i put my heart out for someone i always get it crushed or ripped out. I fell head over heals for a boy who was just simply amazing, i thought he was perfect in almost ever way and because love blinded me from the reality and i got shot down and feel like a worthless piece of NOTHING. Things just came out of nowhere and now I'm alone..again..heart broken from another boy who i thought was the most amazing person I've ever met. I don't know why this time its different, but it truly is. It just seems like i put everything i had into making this work and now..i have nothing left in me. Its the worst feeling I've ever felt and I'm not sure where to go from here. More than anything i just want to go down to Milwaukee and talk to him face to face, but i know it wont help anything, that I'll just be town down even further and that I'll just be town to pieces and have to drive all the way back, 2hrs, by myself and i know I'll be crying the entire way..wondering why a person can tell you they love you, and they care about you more than anyone in the entire world, and then do this to you.

IF YOU DON'T MEAN IT, DON'T SAY IT!!!

~*~The New Year~*~

It seems that ever since 2009 has started, things have been looking up and almost everything had been going in my favor.

I spent New Years with my friend Melissa up at her 'mans' cabin where, when even though it was slightly drama filled and things kind of got out of hand, I met a boyyy! Aaron and I hung out a few times after New Years and then after a little lunch date we had, which I thought was just a friend thing and nothing more, he told me he had fallen head over heals for me and wanted to take me on a proper date. I was more than existed for that and it was the cutest night ever!! Even though he is the most amazing guy I've ever met, of course there were issues we would have to deal with, like the fact that he lives 2hrs away in Milwaukee!! He goes to school down there, but he is really close to his family who live in Appleton, like 5min away from me. So we get to see each other on weekends, and for a week straight during Spring Break. I spent my Birthday down in Milwaukee and had an amazing time, then for Valentines day Aaron and my good friend Abby and I went to Chicago and it was so perfect! This is the happiest I've been in a long time, there are days that its hard, living to far from Milwaukee, but its so worth it!!

Other than the fact that my love life has changed for the better, school has been going great. I am able to pass my classes and its going so much better. I'm hoping to go to UW Milwaukee or UW Stevens Point next year, but we will see because it will take a of work to get there, but with my family, friends and Aaron, i know i will be able to do it!! So hopefully I'll be able to graduate faster than i thought, which would be GREAT, i hate school! Other than those things have been about the same, Dad's going great and the family is closer than ever. Its great to finally have things going in a good direction. The past few months have been hell, but it seems that 2009 has been that new start that was needed. As soon as the ball dropped things have turned into a great direction and i'm so thankful for everything!!

Few Pictures from the Past Few Months:

How songs are really, true feelings for me.

Secondhand Serenade - Vulnerable



Secondhand Serenade - Fall For You



Leona Lewis-Bleeding Love



Taylor Swift-Picture To Burn

A New Start

Things in life have changed so much. I single for good now, no more boyfriends. I have to for my own mental health, and even though its going to get so much harder from here on, I'll just need to keep pushing threw and hope that in the end I'll find Mr. Right, instead of Mr. Right Now. I'm trying my hardest to keep everything under control, but it just seems like things are going two steps forward one step back. I'm trying to get over my past and move on with my life, but my heart wont let me and that's my problem! My head is telling me that I'm crazy for still being in love with this boy, for he is only a boy and not the one for me and just move on already, stay away, but my heart is telling me no, don't, you need to be with him, even if he has moved on.

School is being put on a hold right now. Its really disappointing to myself that i had to do that, for i feel that i should be able to handle everything going on...with no problems but i can't. I'm being told that I'm a strong girl and I'll make it threw, but I'm so far in the whole it seems that i can't even see a small sparkle of light yet...but I'm trying my hardest. I don't want to disappoint anyone, and i feel as if i am. I just want my life to be back on track, maybe find a new group of people to hang out with and be a college student...but its hard, and i can't do that where I'm at right now. So I'm hoping for the best and trying to make a change for the better, its just harder than i would have even imagined, because i don't want to disappoint anyone anymore.

On the upside my friend wanted to help my self esteem and did a full on make over for me, but cutting off 7inches of my hair and coloring it to make me look more "fierce" for all those single men out there, (oh gosh!) and i got my nose pierced a while back, so I'm kind of a bad girl now, (no not really). So i do have a few ups going for me!!

Beforehand

After, on Halloween

The Past Few Weeks

The past week months have been very hard for me. I broke up with Matthew, school is getting so much harder, i have to take summer classes, i wont be able to move out for a while, and i guess the only thing that went well for me is that i got my a new car!!

Well to start, Matthew and i just needed to take a break and then people started to talk and i realized that boy SUCK! I thought he was different but really he was just like all the others. I guess when you daddy tells you that he's the only one you can trust he wasn't kidding!

School is just not going on my favor right now. I ended up getting a Mathematics teacher that didn't speak English. She literally was the hardest person to understand and because of that, I ended up losing a ton of money and having to take another summer class. And because of this I'm not able to move out this summer as i had planned on doing and will be living at home for another year or so.

But best thing that happened to me this weeks was that i GOT A NEW CAR! I've been looking for something a little more sporty and "Meghan" and ended up finding a 1999 Mercury Cougar and just SCREAMED MeMe! Its a Candy Apple Red and I'm in love with it! A few of my guy friends are going to help me with it so i keep it up and said they will help me "Pimp" it out. Its my new baby and i guess its another things to make add to my list of changes. Also on that list is the fact that i went from a dark brunette to a Light Blondie and will be getting my nose pierced in a week or so.

Then here are a few pictures from the past few months with my LOVES!

What college kids watch on You Tube...

These have to be the funniest video's i've ever seen in my life! They are so cute and my friends and i sit at college and watch them over and over again and tell each other how we can't wait to have kids, because we are going to have them all together and take video's like these...

Charie Bit My Finger...AGAIN!


Buhlud


Baby Laughing at Wii


Baby Laughing


"He's Going to Kick My A**"



Honestly..this is what we do when we are bored in a college Dorm Room..we go on you Tube and watching little kids and how funny they are!!

Life so Far

My senior year at Kimberly High School was more than just another year of high school for me; dealing with boyfriends, friends, college applications, bowling, family, Girl Drama, and having as much fun as i could my senior year, it created a year that had its up and downs. I went to my first Brewer Game, stayed over night in Verona for our school's State Basketball Game, went to state for bowling (for singles, doubles, and team event) where my team ended up getting the highest score out of the girls teams, had good and bad relationships, went to prom with my best friends Manda and Allison as my Dates, and said my first good-byes to most of my best friends before we departed for college. I love to travel and my favorite place I've been was London, England. I hope i can go back soon and i really want to backpack Europe, minus the grungy part.












So far college isn't anything like I expected it to be. I really didn't make any friends, and I miss my old friends almost everyday. My classes aren't that hard but the work load is getting to be over-welling and I can't wait for my winter break so I can just work, hang out with Matt and not have to worry about six page papers and how to work out quadratic equations. Hopefully after two years at UW Fox Valley I will be able to transfer up to UW Superior. I'm not sure what i want to go for yet, but I think I narrowed it down to Early Childhood Education or Photographer. They are totally diffrent but i love kids and Photography is my passion in life, along with Fashion.